Let The Fall Begin

Let The Fall Begin

My wife and I are trying to figure out where we will soon live. Her businesses are in the same city where we live, but due to family moving into the family home, me and my wife will most likely have to find another place of our own. The situation is very difficult and stressful on many levels. Normally when I feel stressed, upset, or sad, I try to paint or at the very least, go for walks and take pictures for painting subjects later on. Currently, I haven’t been able to get myself in this frame of mind, and after weeks of deep thought, I found the reason.

I have lived in my current city since I was seventeen years old, graduated college and law school in this city, and got married here. As you know, a lot of my art subjects are this city that I love. That’s when I realized I was, and am, in a state of mourning and uncertainty. Mourning the idea that we may not be able to afford to live here anymore, and stressed over this uncertainty about what is going to happen. Since 2020, the real estate prices in my area exploded well over 40%, and interest rates are very high to take out a mortgage. Given that we’d need a large downpayment, which at the moment we don’t have, it is heartbreaking to fathom not living here. Once I realized this was the root of why I couldn’t get myself to paint, or even take pictures of subjects for later use, it made me feel instantly better.

My Passion for Art Came Back Through Understanding My Deeper Feelings About My Current Life Conditions 

The moment I had the “ah-ha” realization that I’m sad and in mourning from the thought of losing “my city”, which is the subject that I frequently paint as a landscape, cityscape, and waterscape artist, I immediately stopped wondering thoughts like, “Why can’t I paint? Am I ‘burned out’, lost all inspiration, or am I even an artist anymore?" I couldn’t sleep, wasn’t eating much, and when I did sleep I had horrible dreams. It was like my subconscious was trying to tell me, “Hey, I’m devastated at the idea of leaving here. I love this place so much, almost all of my life’s major moments happened here, and I never considered I’d ever leave this place. I hate this, and even looking outside brings feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, and worry. So how can you expect to paint the very subject that’s at the heart of a major loss?” Now that I figured out that’s what was going on, it brought me peace. It feels like my subconscious needed to make me realize what I was feeling, and once I did, it calmed down. I’m still sad and in mourning, but through this understanding, I have painted again. 

I painted a landscape for my friend who lives in Maryland, and packaged and shipped her the painting. The painting arrived unharmed, and I now know how to ship an 11’’ x 15’’ watercolor painting flatly. I also have painted some “personal” paintings, mainly of my dog when we go for our walks as I always want to remember how special and meaningful those moments are to me.

The next steps in my artist journey I thought would go quickly —  getting a state sales permit, figuring out basic accounting (for sales tax and accounting in general), and getting a city business license. However, given that I don’t even know where I will be living in a few months, all of these plans may have to wait. I’ll update you through my blogs, and through my newsletter. Once my paintings are available for collecting, and possibly commissions as well, I will send out the news on my newsletter first. If you’re interested in being the first to know, you can sign up to receive it here: newsletter

If you’re feeling stuck in art, sometimes it helps to talk with others who’ve felt and dealt through it. I now believe this will be a part of my coaching, or mentorships that I am thinking of offering in the future because without the right mindset, art skills and passion aren’t able to be created and shared. Let me know if you would be interested in this type of feedback and guidance! 

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